Day Two and a half: I suck at relationships

Let's just say my track record with relationships are shit, after my first girlfriend. Either because of me or because of them - who knows.

Currently, I have no idea, really, what happened.

My girlfriend went out to dinner with my roommates and I, and she didn't really talk to me at all. I have no clue why - something about how she has no idea where we stand.

I will admit I'm not a great girlfriend. There is no way I can be. I'm one of those wafty, wherever-the-wind-takes-me, randomly lonely and randomly social people. One day I can have a plan to do this, and the other day I have no idea what I'm doing. I might want to hang out with as many people as I can, or not want to see anyone at all. I know I am a frustrating, irritating person. This is okay for me.

I know it's not for a lot of others, especially when they want someone to be steady. She speaks of marriage and settling down. I speak of maybe spending two months in Quebec, then bouncing around to different camps, oh and maybe not doing all my four years at college but rather two here and two there and doing a bazillion different things all at once. She doesn't want to learn French and live in Quebec. She wanted to go to Toronto, not Alberta. Yet.. she's coming with me. I have no idea why.

We moved really quickly. I really enjoy her company. I really like her, I think she's a gorgeous girl... I don't think I'm good enough for her.

So this might be the pushing thing to send me away. I might end up just disappearing, to get away from the guilt.

We'll see, once we have our 'face-to-face' conversation tomorrow.

Stay tuned...